


The Only First I'll Ever Need

by mykokoro



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: But Also Some Angst, First Date, First Kiss, First Times, Fluff, Hinata's POV, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, POV First Person, Post-Canon, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 03:19:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7491327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mykokoro/pseuds/mykokoro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata and Kageyama's relationship has brought so many firsts, and with each one came new feelings, new understanding, new love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Kiss,

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caswella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caswella/gifts).



> Hi there! This fanfiction is a series of 5 oneshots fitting the “first times” theme. I wrote this for the Haikyuu Summer Holidays Exchange. I recommend participating in a Haikyuu Holidays exchange for yourself, as I had a very enjoyable experience with this one, which is my first exchange. Thank you for reading, and I sincerely hope you enjoy it. If you like this work, please feel free to find my other Kagehina works. Lastly, as always, I appreciate constructive criticism, comments, kudos, bookmarks, and just about any kind of feedback on my fanfiction more than anything else. Please, don’t hesitate to leave your personal opinion on the fic in the comments. Enjoy, and have a wonderful summer!

I can see him now, familiar sable strands draping his forehead and meeting his thin eyebrows. Familiar curves falling into collarbones peeking through soft skin, following broad shoulders into toned arms and arched fingers adorned with rough-cut nails. He is slouching in wooden splinters, lips dipping into a peaceful neutral, calm in the clear night. His eyes could light up glimmers in the sky, lighthouses accompanying their navy ocean blue.

I can feel it now, heartbeat stumbling into a crazed rush, tripping over its own desire to feel his skin on mine. It’s washing over me, this unfamiliar feeling that’s beginning to accompany him. There’s a part of me that wishes I could stop it. And there’s a part of me that knows I’m lying.

“Oh, Hinata.” It’s worsening now, and I’m yearning for him to say my name over and over again, just like that. I’m itching for him to say it on lazy Sunday mornings and frenzied twilights and in empty classrooms and shared apartments.

“Kageyama-kun.” I push the words out of my throat, awkwardly perching myself beside him. Now our legs are touching and there’s a creeping heat under my skin that’s urging me to close the gap.

I push my emotions far enough away to notice him let a breath escape his lungs before he speaks. “I just…wanted to make sure you weren’t freaking out. For the match tomorrow.”

That’s right. I can’t screw anything up. I can’t cost us the game. “No, uh, everything’s fine.”

Kageyama lets out a half-hearted, airy laugh as if he was stupid to say anything in the first place. “Right. Of course.”

A stab of guilt prods at my stomach as his hesitant tone passes through my ears. “No, I mean, thanks for being worried about me and all…To be honest, you could keep talking and I wouldn’t mind, it’s kind of comforting to talk to you,” I fumble, hardly realizing what I have even said before I squeeze my lips shut and feel the red peek up from under my skin. Oh my God. Did I just say that?

I’m dreading his response. God, why can’t I handle something as simple as a conversation? My heart skips stones in a lake of confusion, a brief time of panic before one of them sinks. A placid laugh fills my ears, sweeping my humiliation away with its warmth.

“No, it’s fine. Dumbass,” Kageyama smiles through his cheeks. It starts to make me wonder how many people have heard his laugh. How many have heard its overwhelming beauty, sneaking up on them like a flower blooming in the spring? And to think that he would smile for me. To think how miraculous it was for him to change my heart with a few breaths.

A surge of thoughts races through my mind, flooding the empty space with a new desire, a stronger one, a desire to feel Kageyama’s smile at my side and hear his mellow laugh. As soon as I rationalize with my inclinations, a warmth envelops my hand and my mind begins to slow. I barely realize what’s happening until I glimpse at the source of my bemusement. Kageyama’s hand is on top of mine, fingers softly webbing in between, tangling themselves into little crevices, filling the tepid air with a heavy heat.

If I wasn’t already pushed to the edge, this really shoved me over. A sweltering sensation wriggles its way up to my cheeks, engulfing them in a deep red. My throat goes dry and clogs with anticipation. Overcome with fervor, sticky sweat grows like weeds buried in the lines of my palms. Swallowing hard, I can only stare his way, at his lips of lush rose, the tip of his nose upturned from the bridge between his eyes, cheekbones propping up alabaster skin. And oh my God, I want to touch him so badly I could die. And then Kageyama looks at me. The creases under his bottom lashes are whispering grins to his mouth and the fathomless blue of his eyes shrouds me in a tingling comfort.

Did I already say I had been pushed over? Well if there was a way to fall farther, to plunge into a bottomless pit of hunger, I would be tumbling hard. The next thing I know my arms are wrapped around his neck and my whole body is leaning into his warmth. Our noses bump as the distance between us closes, eyelids splitting down, unsure of what happens next. My chest is aching with craving when I feel his hair tickle my fingers, breath sultry against my lips. And then everything falls apart.

Our lips fit together, closing around each other at contact. His hands are tracing my goosebumps now, circling scattered freckles on my neck and raveling into my hair. Everything slows down, and everything is heavy and so hot it feels feverish. Every pore on my skin squirms with indemnification, as though all other times I have felt happy have never meant anything compared to this second. This second that, given my disposition, still didn’t seem entirely possible. And yet the feeling of his warmth seeping into the dents on my skin is entirely real. I’m not imagining the way his lips are pressing tighter, closing his body into mine as if there were never space between us, heart scratching pulses into my chest, tight and short of breath.

  
I am swallowed in a dark sensation when he pulls away, but the aftertaste of his kiss dances on the cracks between my lips, bittersweet as golden honey wrapped in cold iced tea. My heart steady now, no longer fumbling over cracks in cement but breaking into fast stride. I chart the stars in his raven hair until I can hold him from his cheeks. I touch the tip of my nose to his, biting my bottom lip to keep from smiling.

“I waited way too long for that, idiot.”

“I know.” Is his only remark before he pulls me back in deep, heart diving as I enter again.

And God, how I wouldn’t mind staying there forever.


	2. First Day,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hinata experiences his first "date" with Kageyama - which is really more like a regular hang out, but is fine with him nonetheless.

My hand falls limp against the coarse paper of my English textbook, a sigh escaping my lungs as I gaze at the text with dread. The words blur together, eyes glazed over by a curtain of boredom. Sheets wrinkling under the pressure of my heels bouncing against them, I can only hope to be comforted by the presence of the big idiot lying opposite me. This far into a foreign language’s verb conjugation and I’ve given up hope. 

“Hina?” Kageyama’s voice calls from behind me. I jump in response as if I had been subconsciously waiting for him to pull my nose out of the pages. Admittedly, that’s probably the truth. A bit awkwardly, I twist myself around so that I can crawl over top of him, collapsing onto his tall frame. His textbook falls off the bed, sitting open on the carpet without concern. Our noses bump together and I can feel his dimples pulling a smile onto his cheeks as our skin touches. 

“Watcha need?” My fingers mesh with his tousled hair, brushing it out of the way. Our legs weave around each other, forming a mess of sock covered toes pushing against each other gently.

“Just you,” he teases, fingers tracing the shape of my spine. His hands run along my back, leaving a strip of warmth where he meets the fabric of my shirt.

“You flirt,” I smile, and this time, I don’t try to hold it in. “I think this is the first time we’ve hung out like this as a couple,” I include, realizing that not much has changed between us since then. Well, except for the cuddling. And the kissing. And Kageyama smiling, and laughing, and finally showing his happiness (the best part of it all? I’m the only one who can see the loveliest side of my favorite fool).

Kageyama’s hands find their place on my shoulder blades, resting there and surrendering their heat. “Mm. I like it better this way.” He closes his eyes, steady rise and fall of his chest constructing a comfortable rhythm. I brush away the bangs tickling his eyelashes, revealing his dark, sculpted eyebrows, relaxing against his skin. 

“I love your face,” I breathe, fingers finding their way to the creases around his eyes. “Eyes, cheeks, the tip of your nose…” I press my lips against his cheekbones and the bridge between his closed eyelids. With each kiss I can feel his body tremble with laughter, grin stretching wider and wider across his complexion. I narrowly avoid his lips, naming the traces of his dimples tauntingly. “Hmm…What could I be forgetting?” My fingers drum against the cusp of his mouth.

“Shut up, dumbass,” is all he says before my lips are sinking into his, greeting each other with affection as we melt together, schoolwork forgotten among the creases in his bedsheets.


	3. First Night,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kageyama and Hinata overcome their anxiety about their real first time, and Hinata decides that it is worth it.

I can barely remember the last time I felt like this. Of course over the past two years, I’ve thought of Tobio differently. But now, my tongue is dry and I can taste all its bumps and ridges grating against the roof of my mouth. A straggling heat replaces the blood in my veins, skin suffocating under a mat weaved with anticipation. My stomach is churning half with excitement and half with nervousness each time he breathes. Heart squeezing, tugging with strings he has tied around it. He is so close. We are so much closer now than we have ever been. 

“Shoyo…” I look into his ocean pearls, foaming with a tinge of sadness, and this is certainly a chemistry lesson I must have missed, because in this moment I, for the first time, do not know what mixture of emotions could have formed such a blue solution in his eyes.

But I know. Somewhere there is a string of paper letters binding me, spelling it out for me, the things I’ve always known and never acknowledged. Those things begging me to understand that I don’t want to love anyone else. 

A shaky breath evaporates from my lungs. “It’s okay.” 

“God, Shoyo, if only you could understand how gorgeous you are-”

“It’s okay,” I say again. This time, it does not feel uncomfortable to push out of my throat.

He swallows, and everything slows. I can feel his trembling fingers shift the plastic buttons of my shirt through their neatly-sewn holes. I can feel the thick cotton sliding off of my skin, hear its weight falling onto the bed. Is it my turn now?

It seems to be, so I slide my fingers under the hem of his shirt, clutching at it awkwardly. Icy hands meeting burning skin, my touch is warming in his similar anticipation. Grip falling to his shoulders, I rest my head against his chest.

“I love you,” I breathe into him, and for the first time, it feels real.

Tobio’s wide arms slide around my side, my body quivering as his frame envelops me. “I love you, too.”

I know that if I’m with Tobio, I’ll be okay. So I trust in us. I collapse into him, his hands trailing to the small of my back, and everything fits perfectly. This first moment, lit by the dim moonlight, is the moment when I finally feel that we belong to each other, that I can’t imagine a world without this, without him. Finally, I am lost. In myself, in him. With each elating breath, I am picking up the pieces of us, understanding with each one that we belong to each other, and everything belongs only in each other. I could stay here forever, on this night.

This first night, when our love comes alive.


	4. First Promise,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which two idiots finally fulfill their promise.

“Remember the first promise you and Kageyama made?” Daichi’s voice passes through my ears in a nostalgic tune. A box of warm memories comes tumbling from the back of my head, forcing a smile onto my quivering lips.

A laugh falls out of the gaps between my teeth. “Yeah. That I would defeat him no matter what.” It’s a strange thought to have, now. “Of course, it had to be revised when we became teammates, huh?”

“And again when you started dating,” Daichi grins, draping the spread of his fingers over my stiff shoulders. I relax a little at the touch.

Yachi straightens my bowtie, drawing wrinkles equally on both sides with her slender fingers. “Now you guys finally get to fulfill it.” Her eyes gleam with liquid gold tears.

This makes me smile even wider. We have had so many firsts, and each one brings a familiar feeling. It’s like a beautiful storm, where the clouds are gray and the view is hazy, the rain warm at the touch and melting like honey on my skin. But this will be the first that seals all of it. Countless hours, thoughts, touches, words, between us, and each one of them has led to this.

Yachi kisses my cheek and Daichi gives my shoulders a gentle squeeze before they both part, squeezing into the neat arrangement of beautiful dresses and suits. I am left to my reflection in the mirror. My hands tremble as I smooth out the silky white fabric of my jacket, shaky breath desiccating off my tongue.

I always heard that you become more beautiful when you fall in love. And yet, the Hinata Shoyo in the mirror is just the same as I remember him. He has the same caramel brown eyes and flyaway orange hair. The same occasional freckle sunken into his skin, same hairs tickling at his arms and on the backs of his ears. Perhaps he is different because someone else knows all of those little things. The veins, wrinkles, bumps and bruises I have become familiar with over 24 years have been charted and mapped by someone new in just 7. Perhaps it is the glow of that shared skin or the glimmer of those mutual irises that makes a person more beautiful. But I suppose it doesn’t matter, anyway.

A small rap on the door pulls me out of my mind’s thoughtful slumber. Suga slips in through the crack and my lips can’t help but pull a smile onto my face. 

“Are you ready?” He speaks in a whisper, holding out his arm to link with mine. I glance at myself one more time before a shaky breath falls from my lips. I haul my body from its restful perch, forcing a wider grin as I link our arms together. Suga’s gaze trails to meet mine, and smiling is the only thing he can do to keep from crying.

“I promise you, Kageyama’s just as nervous, if not more.” I nod, heart thumping loud in my chest.

This is the last time I will see Shoyo as just Shoyo in that mirror.

As the space between me and what I have always hoped for grows shorter, I swallow, tongue dry with anticipation. Fluorescent lights illuminate glossy lined hardwood, setting the stage for polished leather shoes. Everyone is looking now, turned backward in their seats to see me. 

“Those two are the only idiots who would get married in a high school gym,” I hear Tsukishima snicker briefly before being cut off by an angry, “Tsukki!” from Yamaguchi. I almost laugh because, for once, he’s completely right.

My legs are shakier with each step. Suga is stabilizing me, he is smiling at my teammates of old: Noya and Asahi; Yachi and Kiyoko; Tanaka and Ennoshita; Tsukishima and Yamaguchi and, of course, Daichi, with an empty seat for Suga. They are the only ones I need here, today, the ones who have watched us grow.

And then I see him. Broad shoulders fitted in midnight satin, dipping into slim hips and long legs. Our eyes meet and he shuffled his feet and clasps his hands, but does not break the gaze. I can’t help but think it’s too early for tears to be pinching at the corners of my eyes, but he is so blindingly beautiful it’s the hardest thing I’ve done to hold back. My fingers stab at the sensitive flesh right between my index and thumb, forcing back my emotions as I reach the end of the aisle.

Suga presses his hand on my forearm before he returns to his seat, leaving me to him. We are facing each other now, and even after all these years, I am looking up to meet his eyes. The endless blue of his greet mine, glistening with joy, tears forming pools at their bottom lashes. Seeing him like this melts me, and it is as if no one is here but us.

“We are gathered here today to witness…” The officiator’s voice is clear, but I cannot hear it. The sounds of my heart racing, hands shaking against the smooth fabric of my pants, and teeth clenching under the thought of being right here are all I can manage to find.

The officiator indicates that we should share our vows now. I’m not exactly sure how I should do this. I’ve never been able to put anything into words, let alone anything like this. Tobio reaches into his pocket, pulling out a wrinkled piece of paper, fumbled over and folded. It is shaking in his neatly cut fingernails, its contents trembling with uneasiness. 

“Shoyo.” His voice is cracked and quiet in the very place he used to yell to me with confidence. “The first time I met you, you made me a promise. You told me that you would defeat me, no matter what.” I bite down a grin. “And as much as I thought it was no big deal, I kept thinking about you. Every day, until high school, when I could find you. And then, you were there.” A tear falls down his cheek and he quickly brushes it off, sniffling as he inhales. “I want you to know, Shoyo, that I’ve never stopped thinking about you since I met you. And, as Daichi and Suga can tell you, I didn’t figure out why until it was long overdue.” A few laughs stumble their way through the crowd, mixed with sniffling breaths. “Then, after we played as teammates, you promised me you’d follow me for as long as it took. And then, when we finally kissed, you promised me we’d be together, as equals. And I want you to know that each time I’ve been your partner, on the court, as friends, as boyfriends, as fiancés-” His breath slips, catching as he chokes back a waterfall of tears. I can feel the warmth spreading on my cheek, mixing with hot tears streaming down my face that I cannot wipe away. “I’ve loved every second of those times when we were partners. And now…now we finally get to finally, really be partners and I can’t tell you how much I-”

“I love you.” I hope my voice carries through my hand, clasped desperately over my mouth, tasting the salt from my tears. Tobio cries too, and from what I can hear, so does everyone else.

In typical unorganized fashion, Tobio’s hands are around my waist and our lips are pressed together, wet with tears, my arms wrapping around his neck. Our arms pull away for a second, sliding gold bands onto each other, ring embracing my finger in his love, and I have never felt like something so perfectly belonged on me before. And we are a beautiful mess.

“You forgot your ‘I do’s!” Yachi calls frantically, standing from her seat. Kiyoko’s giggle billows into a cluster of laughs, and there’s no hope of getting this stupid grin off my face now.

The officiator grins and nods. “Do you, Hinata Shoyo, take Kageyama Tobio to be your husband?”

“I do,” I laugh, touching my nose to Tobio’s.

“And do you, Kageyama Tobio, take Hinata Shoyo to be your husband?”

“Of course I do, dumbass.” He can barely get through his bliss, laugh melting into mine.

The crowd of friends, family, surround us, and we are lost in the elation of our peers. I know with certainty that this is the best day I have lived to see, this day that we really, truly became partners.


	5. First Goodbye.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the inevitable occurs for both the first and last time.

Isn’t it funny how people change in so many ways, but they never really change? I am looking at him, his skin folded and creased, ornamented with tan spots like skipping stones along his arms, once black hair thinned and silvered, a slight quiver in his hands disassociating itself with any emotion. And yet, he’s still the same Tobio I knew 83 years ago. He has the same determination acting as a backlight in his eyes, the same gentle touch on my skin.

Yet, in the same way, this is not the Tobio I know. He is not meant to be so still, head propped on layers of pillows, body buried in a mountain of sheets and duvets, thin robe draping his delicate frame. Not meant to be watching the world go by through chiffon curtains, staring at it with longing. No, he is supposed to be there, in the world, chasing it, holding my sweaty palm in his.

And though I suppose he’s holding my hand now, that’s not really the same thing, is it? His grip is weak, like the bones protruding from his skin can’t strain any more than this. And his eyes’ familiar certainty is accompanied by a lingering sorrow. And I am not supposed to be the one watching it all happen.

He turns to look at me, and God, he’s still just as goddamn beautiful as he was each one of those 83 years. But now, it is the expression his face is molded into one that is throwing it all away as if all of those precious flaws I’ve held for so long never meant anything.

“Shoyo,” he breathes, air coming out raspy. “I’m ready. To leave.”

You can’t even imagine how much I want to pull him out of that bed and take him away, but that is not what he means.

There’s no air left in my lungs, so my breath hitches when my lips move to speak. God, the tears are already falling and I can’t see his face clearly anymore. It keeps on pooling in the bottoms of my eyes and cascading down my cheeks, and I can’t move my hands from his to wipe them away. I feel them drip down my neck and fall into my lap. The inside cusp of my lips is drenched with regret, each time it quivers the feeling seeps into my pores.

Looking at him makes it harder. It started with a perfect kiss, a perfect moment, but perfect can’t stop him from slipping away. So long I’ve kept him in my grip, hand clenched strongly against each other, never letting each other go. But now his hands are weak and he is slipping away from me all at once.

But now. But now. But now.

Why does it have to be now? Why can’t we go back to when he’d call me dumbass, sunspot dancing on our skin through tree cluster canopies, sipping juice from cardboard boxes? When we were young and free and alive?

As my head dips into a nod, my heart floods with a stomach churning emptiness. My whole body is quivering now, and I am squeezing his hand, and God I still can’t see his face clearly though it is the last time I will ever see it this way again. Exhaling a sob suspends my stomach in an excruciating tension, mouth curled into a half-open cavern of dread.

“I’m glad.” His voice is shaky, matching the movement of his hands as they begin to fall. “I’m glad you were my first.”

The skin underneath his lips creases as he curls them into an agonizing smile, tears falling into their cracks.

He closes his eyes, and the only warmth left in his hands is aftermath.

My thumb brushes over his wrist. It searches, God, it searches, but it does not find a rhythm for my heart to match. It’s all spilling out now, all the muscles in my body screaming, guts overflowing, spouting out of my tear-dampened lips. It is our first, and only, goodbye.

Every part of my body is shouting that he’s the only first I’ll ever need.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this work. It truly was one of the most fun experiences I've had writing in such an amazing community of lovers of gay volleyball players. I hope you'll consider taking part in a Haikyuu Holidays exchange sometime as well. Happy summer everyone!
> 
> All feedback is appreciated! Don't hesitate to leave your opinion in the comments or leave kudos. Thank you!
> 
> To caswella: Hi! I really hope you enjoy the work, even if it wasn't what you were originally expecting. I had a lot of fun writing for this exchange and I'm grateful that I was able to write for you.


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